Neve continues to demur
Inspired by the Lying Jackal’s rather overreaching offer to debate Mark Steyn one of my fabulous commentors, EBD, thought he would offer to sleep with Neve Campbell.
I fear, so far, Ms. Campbell has declined. Fear of sexual ecstasy? Perhaps. Or is it that famous people don’t fool around with distinctly unfamous people? Or is it the old, the talent doesn’t sleep with the hacks rule (save for a bit of roughish trade).
But Neve, just because my commentor – whose identity is as carefully protected as Jadewarr’s – may be obscure does not make his offer anything less than a valid expression of lust. He’d like to get lucky just as much as the Lying Jackal would like to get famous.
So I am tossing in some inducements Neve.
First, we know famous, talented, beautiful people are a bit busy, so it can be a quickie. Ten minutes and my guy will be done, Hell, three will probably do the trick. Just so long as he can film the action so he can show his friends. (Don’t worry, max, maybe three friends.)
Second, I am personally willing to pay the day rate at any Ramada Inn in Canada. No matter where…we’re talking top of the line poly sheets, those cool free shampoo bottles….
And, as an extra special, only for you Neve, inducement a special “toy” or outfit from the very classy EdenFantasys website. (Max value $22.95)
Now I don’t want to sound desperate for your attention Neve. And, hey, this isn’t for me. But, please, make EBD happy for maybe three minutes of his life. Let him brag to his friends…I mean, really, what’s a sordid little tryst captured on grainy cellphone cam to you?
But if you don’t do this I’ll know, and my readers will know, you’re a frigid bitch.
May 15th, 2008 at 12:32 pm
The toilet paper rolls at the Ramada Inns across Canada are rumoured to materialize Swastikas when exposed to ultraviolet light from the Spinmeister-Hack decoder ring.
May 15th, 2008 at 7:33 pm
as i mentioned earlier…the woman’s face has an interesting appealing bone structure ….and her eyes communicate a bittersweet quizzicality….as if asking, “when will you begin to hurt me as all the others have done, to betray me after i have given you every physical pleasure and allowed my soul to fall under your spell… ?”
....i’m intrigued….i hear waves drawing from the shore…then a roaring in my ears….the clocks in my house ticking louder…and then my eyes fall to that thick waist and i’m sorry the suffused organ drains and sags pendulously…..and i smell that my dog has broken wind while sleeping at my feet…
then i wonder what’s for dinner tonight.
May 15th, 2008 at 9:38 pm
Your Steyn worship is surpassing creepy. He’s a gutless coward.
May 16th, 2008 at 12:13 am
Comment left on the Lying Jackal’s blog, but for some reason not yet accepted for viewing by the public:
“It’ll happen one day, I hope and pray, because I still can’t believe that a towering intellect like Mark Steyn could be in any way intimidated by little old me.
That just isn’t possible, is it?”
Yes, that is possible. It is also possible that he knows you only tend to pick fights you have a chance of winning, like most bullies. In this case, you would re-define the rules so much you wouldn’t be able to lose, no matter how badly you were beaten.
Or, it could be a case of “why bother?”. Much like me challenging Sydney Crosby to a hockey skills competition. If he accepted every beer league dork’s challenge, what would it prove?
Or something like that. But we’ll never see my comment, so I can’t vouch that I remembered it all perfectly.
May 16th, 2008 at 1:19 am
I’ve already made clear to her that the one-on-one doesn’t have to take place at some fancy-fancy place like the Ramada or Motel 8. We can do it at her place, or in an open field—I don’t care.
Obviously, she’s chickenshit. I mean, here’s this big star who’s always on TV and in magazines and newspapers, and always being chased by paparazzi, and yet she’s afraid to get naked with me one-on-one in front of a few cell-phone cameras and my publisher.
You have to ask: why would she turn down my offer? Why? What is she so afraid of?
BTW, I don’t mean to repeat myself, but I was once cabin-boy for Elvis Gratton.
May 16th, 2008 at 5:36 am
why even just plain old ‘creepy ‘young son?
mesself i take pride in pompous windbaggery…i cultivate the skill(and skill it is)....it’s a natcherel born talent i s’pose…i can put a frost on any debate in arf a mo by lapsing into a drawling haw hawing exposition of the xl facts….
so what’s YOUR modus operandus bobby M?
i can see you utilize the Olberman gambit as an opening…but what’s your middle and endgame?
please don’t be shy bobby…yer among friends…let it all hang out…
May 16th, 2008 at 6:29 am
oops…de troppo de vino…..wrong thread…but who really cares in this zoo…
May 16th, 2008 at 9:32 am
Begley may be more obviously (and deliberately) groteseque, if only because of the absurdity of the notion that his long-dormant organ might quibble over the thickness of Neve Campbell’s waist.
The stranger creature, however, is EBD, a twisted runt who purports to find an apt analogy between debating a hairy, high-strung pseud like Steyn and a roll in the hay with the still-lovely (if thick-waisted) Neve Campbell.
Frankly, I’d feel safer arguing with Begley than with EBD. At least there would be no worries about the debate being interrupted by premature releases of precious bodily fluids.
May 17th, 2008 at 8:37 am
oh shaddup…go back to sleep…
May 17th, 2008 at 4:58 pm
Then, finally, at last, and without breaking his years-long track-record of betraying not a single drop of humour, positivity, interlocution, or nuance, truewest completes the comedy rule of threeby making an offer to blow, both phoenetically and contextually, a dead goat.
The goat is not responding—those motions are induced—but…well, there you have it.
May 19th, 2008 at 1:22 am
truewest….ever seen a commie drink a glass of water ?....i didn’t think so….